The Relationship between a Normal Beginner Meditator (NBM) and their Brain:
Brain: Hey.
NBM: Shhh.
Brain: Hey.
NBM: Please Shhh.
Brain: What are you making for dinner tonight?
NBM: Sh--! No clue. I am so sick of chicken.
Brain: Cause you didn’t take anything out to defrost and …
NBM: Shh. Not now. I am trying to listen to her.
Brain: Yeah, that’s the problem. Won’t she ever shut up? Blah Blah Blah.
NBM: I am not listening to you. I will not think anymore.
Brain: Good luck with that. Hey, tonight is the Finale episode of our show. I will miss it.
NBM: Really? Crap. I will miss that show. He was so cute. She totally doesn’t deserve him.
Brain: Right?? I was thinking that same thing. Wonder if there will be a Season 3.
NBM: Nah, I read that it was only 2 seasons. I’m sad. Now, Tuesday nights will be so boring. What am I going to do? Maybe I should sign up for a class.
Brain: Great idea. Which one?
NBM: Shhh. I have to Meditate.
Brain: This is boring. I am going to yawn.
NBM: No! Don’t! She will see. She will know that I am bored. See, I knew that I couldn’t do this. She talked me into this. This is costing me a fortune.
Brain: Yeah. She sucks. And you know how much you hate sitting still.
NBM: I do?
Brain: Yep. Don’t you want to move around? Hey. We could go shopping! What are you wearing to the party on Saturday night?
NBM: Hmm. Good question. Not sure. I’ve gained some weight…
Brain: You could say that. You definitely aren’t looking your best. Listen, we don’t have time for this. You have to check the freezer to decide what to make tonight. They will be home soon. You are so irresponsible just sitting here. You also need to call your mom. I’m hungry. Ooh, a snack sounds so good. A bagel! An everything bagel with cream cheese. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. If you stop with this boring shit, we can have one before anyone comes home.
NBM: Shhh
Brain: What is she even talking about? You can’t do this!
NBM: She is just asking me to sit and breathe. I know how to sit! I can breath!
Body: Hey. It’s me. Your leg is cramping. Can you please move.
Brain: She can’t. She is doing this bullshit to be a “better”, “calmer” person.
NBM: No, I am not! Leave me alone.
Brain: Don’t wanna
Body: Well, I support you, but my nose itches so...
Brain: Well, it is itching because…
And on it goes
After some time, patience and practice, you are an Intermediate Meditator (IM)
Brain: Hey
IM: I hear you.
Brain: I’m thirsty
IM: I hear you
Brain: There is a 70% sale at the Mall. You need new shoes. This is a good time to go before the kids come home.
IM:
Brain: It’s so quiet. The air conditioner hasn’t come on in awhile. I hope it’s not broken. Summer is starting. Oh my god. How much will that cost?
IM:
Brain: Hello! Yoo Hoo! Did you hear me? I am FREAKING out! I need to find a good College counselor to help her get into College, she needs the help. Oh god. College. How? What? Oh My God.
IM: I hear you. Breath.
Brain: Don’t pull that shit with me. I need you freaking out with me. There is too MUCH happening for you to sit here like an idiot.
IM: I hear you.
Brain: Crap. New shoes. A new air conditioner. You are Fat. A College Counselor. She is LEAVING you!!!
IM:
Body: Your back hurts.
IM: I feel you. (Shifting)
Body: Thanks. I’m good now
Brain: Everybody is crazy.
Your Brain as an Experienced Meditator (EM)
Brain: Hello. I am here
EM: I am aware.
Silence
Brain: I had a thought…
EM: I am aware.
Silence
Silence
Brain: Perhaps you could…
EM: I am aware.
Silence
Silence
Silence
Brain: Hmmm. This is kind of peaceful. I like thinking one thought at a time. I feel kinda heard.
EM: I am aware and glad.
Silence
Silence
Brain: I can see that this is really helping you. You are so calm, you hear me, you answer me without panic, stress or anger.
EM: I am aware.
Silence
Silence
Brain: Oh wow! Did you just experience that?
EM: Yes
Body: This is pretty awesome. I love it.
EM: Me too
Brain: See, I told you that you could do this. You are such a pessimist sometimes.
Silence